“Let Me Be Your Father..”

Wonderful: “inspiring delight, pleasure, admiration..”

Counselor: “gives guidance..” “Christ goes beyond just a counselor, but he is the one that derives the plan..”

Mighty: “great and impressive power or strength..”

Everlasting Father: “provide and protect his children with wisdom and compassion…FOREVER.”

Prince of Peace: “shalom..complete, perfect, full…tranquility”

God’s voice will not always come in a audible voice you hear that tells you specifically what to do. Now, sometimes it will. But, in my case, Jesus always speaks in songs, in a word that repeats over and over in my mind, in a promise he has given me, or sometimes someone speaks to me exactly what I need to hear. It will be different for every person. But, last Sunday, it was a song…”Good Good Father.” I felt like I always believed I was loved. I knew God loved me. But, the last year has been quite difficult for me, and I didn’t realize until last Sunday that I had really stopped believing that I was loved, by anyone, including God.

A lot of times, if you’re like me, you see all your imperfections, your flaws, and you let what people have said to you eat away at all the love you once had for yourself, and for God. In turn, you stop believing that you really are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). We let doubt and bitterness in. We put up walls to isolate ourselves because we don’t feel enough for anyone, not even our closest friends. We have this constant ache in our heart that pulls us away from God’s promises and we begin to go through the motions of life itself- every part of it. “Why try? Why push yourself? The promises aren’t true for me. Everyone else gets it all, and here I am doing all I can, and it’s never enough.” Completely honest here.

God spoke to my heart last Sunday. He blew me away as we sang this song. The simple phrase… “Let me be your father…” echoed over and over in my mind. As I got home, I wrote that promise down and more thoughts began to pour in. See, a father not only loves you, but he is also the one that normally is a little bit tougher. He is the one that may discipline you just a little bit more. But, it’s never to be mean, it’s simply to put you on the right path and help you make the right choices. I sat in my chair that day and cried all those feelings out. We don’t understand everything that happens to us. We don’t understand when people leave, and friends fade away, and trials have to come, and feelings of depression and anxiety linger day by day. But, what I do know is that God is my father; my EVERLASTING father. So, I have to let go of the control I feel like I need to grasp. I have to replace those feelings of the fact that I am so loved. I am so cherished. He does have a plan for me; it just doesn’t look like what I thought it would- and that is more than okay!

I never battled with depression and anxiety like I have these past 2 years. I never fully spoke about it. God didn’t promise that life would be a breeze. These thoughts are going to come in, and they will try to take over. It’s not as easy to just pick yourself up and keep going. It takes every ounce of energy to simply wake up and get out bed. It takes every ounce of energy you have to just have a conversation with people some days. So, those feelings may come, but we have to know that we are loved by such a good, good father. He can erase every feeling of doubt, fear, bitterness, depression and anxiety. He can, and he will, if you have the faith in him to do what only he can do.

God is good.

God is good to me.

God is good at being God.

She Held On.

Isaiah 60:1- “Arise, shine, for your light has come and the glory of the lord shines over you.”

Sometimes life makes us feel like we are on the edge of a cliff, awaiting the moment where it’s time to jump. Jump into the negative. Jump into the “I give up,” stage of life. Jump into the “I’m done, I can’t do it, nothing is ever going to go my way,” point in life.

Sometimes life makes us feel like we are dangling on that cliff. Like we are hanging on to the tiny ledge that’s barely supporting our fingers. We’ve given all we had to give. We’ve poured out all the love we have. We’ve pushed as far as we can push. We’ve taken as many steps as we can take. So, we’re dangling.

Sometimes life makes us feel like we’re stuck right on the edge of that cliff. We can’t go any further. We can’t jump into positive and we can’t jump into negative. We can’t move. We don’t know why. Life has just taken every single bit of the energy we have, and we can’t take another step. So, we stand and we stare out at our world; wondering when we’re going to be able to really live this life God has called us too.

Philippians 4:11-12 “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound.”

I made a new years resolution to start this blog back up. I had no idea what my first post would be about until last Sunday as my Pastor preached, and he walked over to me, and made the statement, “But, she held on.” He wasn’t talking directly to me, of course, he was talking to the congregation, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Here is what I’ve been holding on to:

• My past.
• My pain.
• My will.
• My plan.
• My hurt.
• My bitterness.
• My loneliness.
• My anger.
• My pride.
• My life.

Notice the one thing all of those have in common? “My.” It’s all mine. It’s all me. See, I thought I had life all figured out. I thought I had given Jesus every part of me, but, I was completely wrong. Sometimes God has to separate you in order to level you up. In that time of separation when you feel that pain sweep in like a wave; when you feel rocks on the tips of your fingers dig in and you’re about to fall; when you feel like taking one step and ending it all; when you feel closed in, closed out from the rest of the world……

Those are birthing pains. Those are the times in life where God is saying, “You held on to YOU far too long. Now it’s time to hold on to me. Now it’s time for me to take all that bad and use it for my good, but first you have to let go of YOU and hold on to me.”

Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon formed against you will prosper..”

So, now, I’m not standing on the edge of this cliff labeled “life.” I’m standing at this cliff labeled “my world.” There’s no more excuses of why we can’t live a life that God has called us too. We have the choice. We have the choice to let go of everything holding us back. We don’t have to let the enemy win. Depression can come, anxiety can sweep in- but they won’t prosper. The feelings of not being good enough can trickle in, but they won’t wash over me. When I let those things win, my world is winning and I don’t want my world to win. I want God’s plan to win. I want God’s purpose to prevail. Now, after 28 years, I’m surrendering fully to everything God has for me, and to rest in the fact that God loves me, and that is all I need to know. You can do the same. It’s one choice. One step away from a brand new life. Change your mindset, you change your life.

Our Promises.

There is so much noise in our lives. There are so many ways we stay “busy” in our everyday lives and now for some of us, those things are stripped away from us and for others (nurses, doctors, police, etc) there jobs have become more on the front line (of course their jobs are always important, but even more so now.) But, however and wherever you find yourself, I believe we’ve been pushed to a higher calling because of this great trial we have found ourselves in.

For so long our prayer lives have consisted of our time, our needs and what we need/want from God. We pray in between as we get our large list of things done for the day. We read our bible after we’ve binge watched netflix and movies for the night (guilty). Even with this quarantine and not being able to go to work, it takes all I have to get the motivation to do anything. But one phrase went over and over in my mind the other day and I feel like I need to share it… We lean on the promises God has made us and we trust him to fulfill those promises, but what promises have we made Him? What can He trust us with? My favorite verse is Luke 1:45- “Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.”

• He promised he would never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8).
• He promised He would strengthen us (Isaiah 41:10-13).
• He promised He would care for us (1 Peter 5:7).
• He promised he would be with us (Matthew 28:20).
• He promised all things will work together for good if we love him and keep his commandments (Romans 8:28).
• He promised he wouldn’t give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).
• He promised he would be our shepherd (Psalm 23).

What can we promise Him? I can’t tell you I know how it feels to be a nurse or healthcare worker in all this, but God has promised to strengthen you. No matter where you find yourself; working or not working during this troubling time; a child, an elder, a young person….lets all make a list of OUR PROMISES to God. Let’s put Him as number one, no matter how crazy this world gets. He deserves our trust, our heart, our promises to Him.

1. I promise to read your word everyday, even if it is just one scripture.
2. I promise to pray every morning and make you first in my day.
3. I promise to seek you before I make any decisions.
4. I promise to encourage those around me and be a witness for you.
5. I promise to fast and to pray.

Make your promises. Lean on God. Give him all your worries, your doubts, your fears.

My Fingerprint.

Psalm 77:11- “But then I recall all you have done; O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago..”

In the midst of the battle; the trial, we get caught up in the chaos. When our mind turns against us and all the thoughts of insecurity, pain, bitterness, confusion, feeling hopeless, depression come back to haunt us, we feel as though if we just stay in that little box, it will all stop. If we just stay where we are, lock everyone out, fight this battle on our own…it will all be okay. It will go away, if we just stay. But the thing is, to step toward our destiny, you might have to step away from your security. We feel safe in that box, but really, that box and those walls, they are hurting us. We have to choose to break that box down, one wall at a time. And only when we choose to see God’s fingerprint in it all, will we finally find the freedom we are looking for.

See, God says… “When you’re finished…I have so much more.” (Good and Loved- Travis Greene) Many times we must let go of what we’ve been holding so we can receive what God wants to give us. (Divine Direction: Craig Groeschel) When confusion and doubt roll in like rain clouds…God says… “look at that cloud, my fingerprint is there, you just have to trust me.” When you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see, you don’t feel good enough for anyone, God says.. “Look at your eyes child, my fingerprint is there, you are my child, please love you like I love you..” When depression comes sweeping over you like the waves in a hurricane… God says… “Lift up your head child, my fingerprint is right there on your heart and in your mind, please choose to see me in this, you can do this.”

Sometimes it takes us getting to the end of our rope to reach for God. But really, I don’t think that is God’s will all the time, I think he wants us to see him in every step of the journey we take with him. Yes, things will cloud our vision and we don’t have an answer. But that is when we step back and recall God’s goodness, and see his fingerprint no matter what. Take a step, hold His hand and let him leave His fingerprint on your life.

Fight Anymore.

What do you do when you feel like you can’t fight anymore? What do you when you feel like you can’t take another step? What do you do when you’ve pushed yourself to the very end of that small rope that you are holding onto? What do you do when you want so bad to let go and let God, but you don’t have the energy to? You feel like you have to keep pushing yourself to the brink of pain, hurt, disappointment, bitterness. You take one step forward and then get pushed back one step back.

The thing is, all those things above make us human. Life won’t always be perfect. Jesus didn’t promise that, but he did promise it would be worth it. He did promise peace, strength, hope, love, comfort in those times. If you’re feeling it, I promise there is a bible verse for it. But sometimes, we don’t even have the energy to pick the bible up. Sometimes, we don’t even have the energy to search. Why? Because life grasps us in it’s arms and it doesn’t let go. Our mind turns it’s back on us and we wrestle with the negative thoughts that come into our mind. We know that God is good. We know that God has created us for a purpose. Our love for God isn’t gone, but our love for ourselves is gone. So, we struggle. There isn’t a simple answer for the process to get yourself back to the start, but there is a bible verse for it.

He didn’t say “feel sorry for yourself,” with the race God has set before us. He didn’t say “barely make it” with the race God has set before us. He didn’t say “tip toe are the hard times,” with the race God has set before us. He said…”And let us RUN with endurance the race God has set before us.!” Life is going to come and it’s going to kick you while you’re down. The enemy is going to come and he is going to whisper lies into your heart and your mind. That only means that he is scared of your potential! So our job is to RUN. Push through those negative thoughts. Push through the bitterness and anger that come creeping in your heart. We have a race to run. We have a family to win to God. We have a community to win to God. We have ministries that haven’t even started that God has placed within us. We have prayers to pray that haven’t been prayed yet. It’s okay to feel pain sometimes. It’s okay to get angry sometimes. But, remember that God is for you. You may struggle now, but you have to keep running this race, even when you feel like you can’t fight anymore…put one step in front of the other.

When you do that, you won’t have to fight it anymore. Because, God will carry you. God will be with you, so you fight together. Your battle will be won in God’s arms. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. YOU are evidence. WE are evidence. Let’s fight this fight together.

When the Season is Not Over.

Imagine yourself walking outside on that fresh, fall morning as the wind blows the leaves around and the cool air sweeps across your face, and all you can do is smile, because you know fall is here. You feel the new day and the new season within your heart. Is that how we feel everyday? Of course not. Some days we are barely making out the door with our sanity attached and our work day hasn’t even started. You forgot to grab a jacket, you didn’t get to drink all your coffee and you feel frustrated about life.

But, Eccesiastes tells us there is a season for everything. There is a time to laugh, a time to cry, to break down, to build up, life, death…and in those seasons there is purpose. Some seasons last longer than others and sometimes trust begins to falter when you remain in them longer that what you have in the past. But trusting God when the season is not yet over is one of the most important things you can do in your walk with God.

• Sometimes you have to linger in those seasons. Linger in God’s presence, in God’s peace, in God’s strength.
• Sometimes you have to be quiet in those seasons in order to hear God leading you.
• Sometimes you have to strengthen yourself in those seasons and remember that God made a promise to you and He always keeps his promises.

Everything God speaks is TRUE. I think that is the most comforting part of this relationship with Him. He never lies to you, He never goes back on His word, He never gives excuses, He never lets you down.

Psalms 1:3 proclaims: “They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season, their leaves never wither, and the prosper in all they do.” I want to be a tree. I want to grow and learn and stay rooted and grounded in God’s love through every season in this life. Physically, we go through seasons; winter, summer, fall, spring….but spiritually and mentally we also go through seasons. But you have the ability to prosper in every one of them. Your leaves never have to wither. You can stay rooted. You can choose to trust and give your all the Jesus in every season. I choose to trust Him even when this season is not over and it may hurt a little. I trust Him even when I wonder why it all can’t be fixed and mended. Great things take time, God’s time.

Mountains are Still Being Moved.

Even when it feels like nothing is happening with your prayers, mountains are still being moved. Even when it feels like you are defeated, there are giants still being slayed. Even when it feels like everything is holding you back, strongholds are still being loosed. Even when it feels like your health is failing, sickness is still being healed. Even when it feels like you are bound, chains are still being broken. Even when it feels lonely and you are all closed in, walls are still coming down. Even when it feels like the pieces are falling apart, the plan is still coming together. My God is not just the God of the promise, He is the God of the process. So, there will be things that take time, but not OUR time, HIS time. God’s time. Even when we don’t see Him working the way we think He should work, He is still working; little by little. The angels are standing at attention for you. God is standing up from his throne and looking at you; molding you, shaping you; taking things out and putting things in your life for your good. Sometimes it hurts; sometimes it doesn’t make sense. But rest assured, it all comes through in HIS time. HIS plan. He’s been there too much for us to doubt him now. Nothing catches Him by surprise. Nothing startles Him or scares Him. You’ve prayed, so now, let go. You let go or you hold on; it’s your choice. But, if you choose to hold on, He can’t do a good work. This is a move. There is more coming, so praise your way through it!

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Isaiah 55:8“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.”

Psalm 91:11 “For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways”

The Choice to Forget.

Imagine yourself for a moment: You’re pushing back your covers, crawling in your bed and all the sudden, your mind goes wild. You are bombarded with negative thoughts. “This person did this to me…” “This wasn’t fair..” “Who do they think they are?” “My family is falling apart.” “I can’t get where I’m going…there is too much in my way.” “Well she did this, so I can do this too..” “It’s suppose to be my way, not that way.” “Life hasn’t been fair to me.” (You can imagine and add more in your own mind, I’m sure.) You go to sleep angry. You wake up, RISE AND SHINE AND GIVE GOD THE GLORY..? No. You wake up angry. You wake up defeated. You wake up feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You wake up blaming people around you for how you are feeling. You wake up tormented because you feel like life is against you. Do you know what happens? That attitude takes hold of you and you now take it out on everyone around you, if not by words just by thoughts. Your family, your friends, your daughter, your son, your Pastor, your church, your co-workers. You chose this. You chose to wake up and not let go of your own thoughts and your own control, and now, you’re miserable in turn making all those around you feel the same way. The thing is, you don’t have to live that life anymore. We are always one step away from a different choice.

See, God made choices. God says in John 15:1617- “You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.” Those negative thoughts you live with everyday? Those don’t produce lasting fruit. The grudges you hold so tightly? Those don’t produce lasting fruit. The bad attitude you have waking up each morning? That doesn’t produce lasting fruit. The gossip you spread about other people, maybe even your family, your church? That doesn’t produce lasting fruit.

Challenge:

• Get a piece of paper or your phone and write down 3 things in you that are not producing lasting fruit.
• Now, pray that God will help you let go and then rip up that piece of paper and make a commitment not to feel that way again. You CHOOSE everyday the thoughts you think.

God CHOSE you. He chose us. He loves us. He holds the stars but he has our plan written out in his hands. Doesn’t he deserve our best? Doesn’t he deserve our every thought to be his?

Clear your mind and look into your heart. I have to practice it everyday. What is in MY heart that needs to go? What is in my heart that is blocking God’s purpose and God’s plan? If your heart is rotting from negative thoughts and bad attitudes…you may produce some fruit but it will be rotten fruit. God created you, God formed you. Let Him take hold of your mind and your heart. I have to stop myself sometimes and say… “Casey, this attitude has to go. These negative thoughts have to go. God wants the best FOR me so I have to give God my best.”

I’ll leave you with this scripture that is one of my favorites. Start over, today:

Isaiah 43:18-19: “But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

Choose to forget. Choose to move forward. Choose to forgive. Choose to ask for forgiveness. choose to see the new God has in store. He’s waiting on you.

Pura Vida: Costa Rica 2019.

Missouri Youth on Missions to Costa Rica has changed my heart and my mind forever. You can take the girl out of Costa Rica but you can’t take Costa Rica out of the girl. This girl had a defeated mindset. This girl went looking for something, not making it sound selfish, but I did. I was determined for something big to take place. And something big did take place, in my heart.

But to the first part of the story; I saw this trip posted about on instagram or facebook one, and I thought to myself, “wow, that would be really neat, but there is no way.” So, I put it to the back of my mind. Well, a month or so later, Bro. Levine who was over it, came to preach at our church and he mentioned it to me, and 2 other girls. I thought…okay…so maybe this can happen. But in mind I’m still thinking how crazy it may sound to actually go for it. But, come to think of it, usually the things way bigger than you are what God is pushing you TO DO. So, I talked to Carlee and she already had made up her mind to go so I made sure she was cool with me tagging along, so I did it.

We did some amazing things, and saw so amazing sights. One reason I love travel (I haven’t done it much, but hopefully more in the future) is just to see God’s creation in all parts of the world. The feeling as you look out at see a humongous forest of green trees as the rain begins to pour down and the waterfall stays steady…it’s amazing. It’s eye opening. We saw a coffee plantation, ate amazing food, saw the only starbucks research farm in the world, saw beautiful animals, an amazing sight of the beach and so much more. But the real beauty was the churches and the freedom felt.

We learned the song “Hay Libertad,” which means freedom and joy in the house of the Lord. Everytime we began to sing it, freedom swept through every church service. It was just an amazing feeling worshipping together and feeling that freedom like never before. You didn’t care who was watching or what was happening, it was all about Jesus. These people that we go to praise God with….this is all they have. They have God, church and their family. They don’t have what we have. We are beyond blessed, and we take it for granted everyday, even in the church house sometimes. We learned stories of some of the people at the altar at some of the services; prostitute getting her life back in order, people recovering from drugs and alcohol, people bound and chained by so many things…many things that really we don’t come in contact with all the time. They battle things a little differently there. But the freedom that swept through changed people’s lives. God changed people’s lives, including my own.

I had shut the door in my life and without realizing it, I locked myself in. I locked myself in my doubt, my feeling of not being good enough, my fear, my anxiety, the weight of everyone else’s pain and lives on my shoulders, the thoughts of what I’ve done wrong and what I could have done, depression, anger…all bottled up inside and locked away. I tried hiding it with a smile for so long, until I couldn’t even fake it anymore. I can’t tell you what started it, I was just in this place and no matter what I did or how many messages I heard preached, nothing worked. Nothing worked until that very first church service, when as we sang that song about Freedom I felt that small breakthrough, but I wasn’t done. That wasn’t all. The night before our last church service was a youth rally. At altar call, I prayed for people as we were meant to do..and then all the sudden I felt myself just praying on my own, tears poured down my face and I had no words to say, but I felt Jesus trying to push me through this door I had shut myself in. He was trying to tell me that I couldn’t stay there. A girl came up to me from our group- Natalie if you’re reading this, you were apart of my major breakthrough, so thank you for letting God lead you! She laid her hands on me and said, “all that fear and anxiety, God wants to take it, let him take. He wants to be there for you.” At that moment I let go. I let go of every feeling that I was holding on to. At that very moment I felt weights lift off of me. I felt lighter, literally, and I have never had that happen to me. I began to dance and let go of all that had held me for so long because I knew, I knew God has something bigger and I wasn’t letting Him go until He blessed me with his freedom.

I said all this to say, we can’t take God’s freedom for granted, His spirit, His love, His presence. He didn’t die so that we could sit like logs on our church pews. He died so we could live. We can live and share our testimony’s and share God’s love. He died and rose again so that we can also rise again. Out of our pain, and hurt, and fear. Whatever you do, don’t let go of Jesus, even when you don’t feel him, trust that he is there. Trust that your faithfulness will be rewarded. He won’t leave you, He is right beside you. Claim the freedom that you have longed for!

Great I Am

“God replied to Moses, “I Am Who I Am.” Say this to the people of Israel: I Am has sent me to you.”

God didn’t say “I was.” He didn’t say “I might be.” He didn’t say “If you do just the right thing.” He didn’t say “I will be.” He said, “I Am.” A couple months ago, I started to ask God in my prayer time just to help me to get know Him. I wanted to dive in and really deep down feel who Jesus is. I thought I would do this by reading the miracles about Him, the signs and wonders he preformed, what he was like when he was a kid…and yes all those will help me. But, then I got distracted and I stopped. Sad excuse, I know. I started to just pray, “Lord, just help me to be who I need to be for you.” But, how can I do that if I don’t know Him like I should? How can you be someone for your significant other when you don’t know them that well? You can’t.

Sunday morning at church we began to sing the song we’ve sang many, many times…”The Great I Am.”

• The one that says..”Hallelujah, Holy Holy, God almighty the Great I Am, Who is worthy, none beside thee, God almighty, the Great I Am..”

All the sudden, my mind starting going and it was like God was literally saying, “That’s it, that is who I am. You wanted to get to know me, so this is it.” I was about in shock and I probably looked like a wacko smiling from how amazing it felt to realize that’s all God needed me to see. In my mind I was thinking, that’s it God, that is who you are to me. That is who He is anyway, but to me….to me it became personal. He is the one who speaks and it is. He is the one who created the heavens and the earth, but then he thought of me. The Great I Am doesn’t have a time limit, because he makes all things beautiful in HIS time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) I try to hold on to things, I try to make a time limit of “what ifs,” and “buts..” When all along He is trying to tell me, that He is the I Am. He creates, he molds, he makes. He told Moses tell them that I AM. Moses was sent by the I AM. I am sent by the I AM. I was created by the I AM. I move, and live and breath because of the I AM. Nothing takes Him by surprise. Nothing catches Him off guard. He’s got me, He’s got you. He is over all because He created all.

I dare you to ask God to show you who He is, You may get a different word or sentence because He is something special to all of us. But to me, He is the I Am in my life.

I am your strength.

I am your courage.

I am your friend.

I am your father.

I am your everything.